Struggling to Find Beauty

         We hear it all the time don’t we? The fact that our beauty as women is being manipulated and distorted every day by the images we see on social media, on the fronts of magazine covers, or on the frontlines of protest. We are conflicted daily on what exactly we should anchor our ideals of beauty to.

         Personally, for me I’ve always struggle with this, most of my friends have struggle with this, and most of the women I know struggle with this. We anchor our worth to our families, our friends, our physical appearance, or our mental capacity. And when we are confronted with someone who is prettier than ourselves or smarter than ourselves, or more put together than ourselves, we often resort to self-loathing, women bashing, or both. At least I do.

         Since early on I can remember this vicious cycle but since my Freshman year of college though I have tried to channel both my self loathing or others bashing into self improvement. Even though as I sought to be better disciplined or more educated or prettier I did it out of selfish intent. Ah the human experience. Truly though I was faced with this bigger question of Why that loomed over me. Why do any of it? What was my motivation? Most of the time my answers were superficial and often related back to some societal conviction that I had that told me I wasn’t good enough. Even though it’s not society’s problem or doing that tells me I’m not good enough. Many of the magazines that tell us who to be are around because we buy into it. Celebrities with photo-shopped bodies are still around because we fund them and the magazine’s ability to pay for photo shopping. We fuel the top of the pyramid that floods over onto our social groups. Then girls think it’s okay to point out other’s flaws. Boys think it’s okay to objectify women. And so on. However the problem falls on me. Amanda Nicole Larson thinks Amanda Nicole Larson is not-worthy and Amanda Nicole Larson finds her beauty in fleeting people and things.

         As a God-fearing women though I am taught in verses like Song of Solomon 4:7 that I am “altogether beautiful”. There are verses sprinkled throughout the bible that talks about God’s deep love not only for me but all of those who He calls His. Yet I struggle daily to remind myself that I am beautiful not of my own doing but the work that Christ does in me. I am a beautiful new creation because of what Christ does in me.

         So today I write this blog to bid to you to join me on this journey to find beauty in not what lays in the mirror or what shows up on a test score or for some of you how your children act towards you in the grocery store but what God has in store for you.

XOXO

Amanda