I Have a Band-aid: Purned not Broken

Okay, honestly I don't have a band-aid, I have something far more greater than that.

I have Jesus.

If you have been keeping up with my blogs you may have remembered a blog I wrote about 3 months ago on me being broken.

Today I went back and read it. Might I just say praise God for His Goodness. Honestly.

I was kind of a depressive jerk in that post. I realized looking back that a lot of it was raw emotion and unfiltered emotion. At the end of the blog I wrote:

Jesus replied "You don't understand what I am doing, but someday you will." John 13:7 

  

Though I still don't know what God is doing it is amazing how He healed my heart. 

 

I spoke about bitterness in my blog. Mainly how my "ex" caused so much bitterness in my heart because of it. Honestly, though I feel I have reason to, I have unfairly portrayed him in my blogs. Yes, it hurt that my heart was broken. Yes, bitterness was there. But you know what Christ is bigger than my broken heart and the bitterness I feel. He, not I, overcame both my broken heart and bitterness. I am completely sorry for that too. It's horrible to think that, as a called representative of Christ, I could allow such disunity amongst a brother in Christ let alone someone who I care deeply for.

 

 The sting of my past sometimes creep in. Late at night I sometimes think about all that I lost and my body literally begins to shake. Then I remember that I gained so much more through it that the sting is gone. It frankly sucks to have lost that many people I cared about but then again it sucks more that I wasted so much time focusing on my own loss that I forgot to glorify God. 

I also forgot that Christ also knows what it feels like to have friends turn on Him. Even though I forced those of my friends in their final decision. Christ understands. Judas betrayed Him and Peter denied Him. 

I, however, should have handled the situation COMPLETELY differently. People hurt each other it's our natural sin reaction. Instead of showing love though, I completely showed nothing but hate. Deep-seeded hate. 

I am completely sorry for my actions. 

With all that I must say though God is Good. Thank goodness that God does not allow His children to fall away. Thank goodness that God pursues me continually even though I run from Him. Thank goodness that God loves me more than I could have ever imagined that He would give me an opportunity to make it right. 

I don't know where God is taking me. The journey is both electrifying and terrifying all at once. The unknown is vast but I am daily learning to trust Him. Many things I hope for. I hope for renewing in relationships that I have been broken and can only be healed by Him. I hope for opportunities for my puring and mistakes can be used to bring Glory to God. 

I hope to change the idea that brokenness is a one-stop destination. The end all be all. It isn't brokenness is on the lines of cutting away the branches that don't produce fruit like Christ mentions in John 15:1-17. Brokenness is there so you lean closer to God and further from your own understandings and what the world offers.

XOXO

Amanda