So for some time now I have had a stirring in my heart. I presume that this feeling is from the Lord but nonetheless that feeling is that of crazy adventure. Being that this year I'll be 20 {Don't have a heart attack mom} I have been searching for what God is calling me to do. Though in my mind I am pretty secure in the calling God has placed upon my life, I feel that there is still many things I need to do before reaching that calling.
1. My actual calling
I figured this is important to actually tell you seeing as how everything that follows derives from it. When I was 15 I had the opportunity to speak in from of a large {Huge} crowd. Check it out here. At the time I wasn't really a Christian and barely even understood {And still don't} the magnitude that experience will have on my life currently and to come. But as I stood there with a trembling body and 25,000 teary eyes staring at me, I realized that I loved it. Now I recognize that God can use my talent of not being afraid to speak in front of total strangers to multiply His kingdom. I hope that my talent can be used to be a speaker at events such as what Christine Caine does or Beth Moore. I also love to write and would love to write books as well. Everything is in God's hands though.
2. Explorations Beyond Seas
Though I don't necessarily see me doing overseas missions for massive periods of time{2+ years}, I do feel like God calls me to do oversea mission trips. I went to one two summers ago and fell in love with the Kenyan people. God really opened my eyes to where he really wanted me to be. For the past month or so my mine has reverted back to something that had been mentioned to me right before my trip. It is an 11 month expedition through 11 countries. I would literally be missing out on a year of college to witness the Glories of God in places like Romania, South Africa and Laos. As I sit here I am almost too excited to type. However, many people will ask why go? Why go all the way across the world to witness to people when there are lost and broken individuals here? This is why:
Today as I sat in my small dorm room, killing time by doing the "typical" teen things I rustled with my thoughts on the idea of who I am. See for the last few months I have been being pulled in several directions. On one side I have been pulled towards the idea of not being enough, not being worthy of love, loyalty or trust. I had these ideas that I wasn't a good enough friend, sister, girlfriend or student. On the other side I felt a strong tug by God. A tug that shouted to me verses like Song of Solomon 4:7 "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." or Romans 5:8 "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.", verses to remind me that I am nothing without Christ but everything with Him. Instead of choosing a side though, I fell into complacency and I stayed in the middle. The problem with being in the middle though is I search, I am continually searching for the peace, peace that only comes with be extraordinary. I thought being educated would make me extraordinary. I thought being well rounded would make me extraordinary, or being normal or being sinful or anything but the one thing. Today though I looked down at my hands and realized how extraordinary I am. The fact that I am a living testament for Psalm 139:13 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.". I heard a quote the other day and I am not sure where it is from but it said something like "This Earth is not my home but while I am here I have a job to do." Christ clearly states this in John 15:16, He said, "You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name." So while I am waiting to go home I have a job to do. I have a job to allow Christ to be extraordinary through me.
4. You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important
Like I stated in the previous chunk, I have a desire to be extraordinary. God doesn't call us to be normal or to fit in. Even though I am excited to do a World Race, I still have to wait till the end of 2015 or 2016 when I am 21. In the mean time that means I have at least 1 and a half left of school. So what am I suppose to do for the next two years? I just sad I didn't want to be complacent. So as I wait I will listen to God more.
You is Kind: Lately as I have heard attacks about my character, the conviction of whether or not I am kind enough will be a testament to my character. The answer deep down in my heart is that I don't think it is. I often am kind to adults but when I am around others I can be quite snobby. It has caused a stirring in my heart to be nicer to hold my tongue on sarcasm and cruelties. Will I fail at this? Yes but I am not going to stop until I succeed.
You is Smart: If you have asked be how school is in the last month or so you've heard the terms "Ehhh, I learned a lot of life lessons." The truth is my studies really took a back burner this semester which is ridiculous seeing as how I am now paying for the education I am receiving. However I don't want to be just GPA smart, sure GPA gets you noticed in college and in my case keeps you from being kicked out but in the long run nobody is gonna care that you had a 3.99 GPA in college. Most people care more about what you have learned. Though I am not seeking to be extraordinary in my well roundedness, I am seeking to be well rounded still. I don't want to be ignorant of the world around me {A bonus to the world race} I want to experience everything God has to offer me.
You is Important: Four years ago when I stood on that stage, I was the hot dog. I was very much assure of myself and my importance. However after some beatings spiritually and mentally it is harder to see where I am. In the last few months and years even like I explained in prior blogs that my desire to represent Christ in the best manor possible has been replaced with representing those "good Christians". Even after becoming a Christian though my need to be well liked and important amongst humans. I generally fail to realize when I am not important to them, that I am still important to God. In Matthew Christ says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.". It is still a hard lesson for me, as for every one else I presume, to not rest my importance solely in those around me and rest it solely on God.
So as these next few months and years even, I ask that you pray for wisdom and guidance in continually seeking the Lord in my decisions.
Amanda
"The moment when you realize that your seemingly ordinary life is actually quite extraordinary is when the magic begins"
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