I feel like if you have been in God's Kingdom for longer than a millisecond with a inkling idea of your gift that you have been well aware of both it's benefits and downsides.
I feel like my gift is writing and the ability to communicate ideas to other whether it be through writing or speaking.
I struggle daily with this source of pride. It's like every time I think "You got this Amanda, you're a fantastic writer, people love you." my next thought is usually "How prideful of you?"
I don't mean by any stretch of the imagination that you should downplay God's gift that He has entrusted in you. That you should over-humble yourself to the point where you either don't use it or you shrivel up to the idea of someone complimenting you.
At the same time though if you are anything like me, my initial response to anything God has entrusted me with has nothing to do with His Glory but mine.
His gift sometimes has less of what will be brought to His name but of a means of being praised.
-Praised for my abilities... that God entrusted me with
-Praised for my maturity... that came from God's pruning of me
-Praised for my ideas... that God granted me the freedom to think
-Praised for my transparency... that God gave me the strength to do
At
the same time as I battle with this pridefulness in my heart I sit here
and wiggle my fingers at those around me who's pride isn't hidden by
fancy words. I have been become a master spinster of words, twisting my
language to hide the evidence of my guilt. Fancy words such as "It's all
God" and "Praise be to God." My christenese is up to par what can I
say?
How well have I become at humbling others. I do so with the gift God gave me. With my words.
Are you starting to see this double edge sword?
At the same time I am thoroughly grateful for this gift.
You're now questioning if I am using christenese aren't ya?
I'm Not.
I have this ability to speak and some how touch those around me. They get inspired to be better. Or they are challenged.
It started when I was 15, I spoke in front of thousands. Suddenly people were coming up to me and saying how much they were touched by my story. Grown adults were saying this. At 15 most people don't realize how much it means to have a bunch of adults tell you that they were listening to you.
Then at 18, out of pure frustration I wrote a post and placed it on a photo. I shared it with my friends and forgot about it. A few hours later I checked back on it. In a matter of three days I doubled, almost tripled, my friends on Facebook. A little post out of frustration was shared almost 100,000 times. Once again I was being commended for my words, these words that God entrusted me with.
Through both events, amongst many more, God has allowed me to meet people who impacted my life. Through the words that He entrusted me with, I was able to widen my pool of influence.
In my mind though I get the facts twisted sometimes. I think how awesome am I to have such an ability to command attention? How awesome am I to have an ability to influence others? How awesome am I?
As I embark on this new journey; however, I hope that God humbles me. That I am consumed like it says in Hebrew 12:29 "...Like an all consuming fire." by God. That every word that I write will bring Glory to none other than His name. That through my success, His name will be lifted higher. That through the opportunities granted to me that I will be able to share His name. Though I may fail, His name will hold strong.
See having a gift is a double edged sword because we make it to be. We grasp on to our gifts and talents instead of turning them over. We taint our gifts. God can use our gift for far more than we can imagine, we just have to let go of our death grip and turn it over to Him.
“The reality is that
all God has to do is reveal himself to you, and you'll gladly join the mission
in service to his kingdom. He doesn't force the issue; he just has to reveal
himself as is: mighty, wondrous, gracious, loving, and radically saving. No man
goes back to saltine crackers when he's had fillet mignon.”- Matt Chandler
-Amanda
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